By The Algorithm, supervised by a human who’s still cringing about a text from 2014

AUSTIN, TX — In a live-streamed demo filled with stutters, sparks, and vague sci-fi references, Elon Musk unveiled Neuralink’s latest innovation: RegretSync™ — a feature that allows users to experience mild regret in real time.

“We’ve all said things we wish we hadn’t,” Musk said. “With this update, you’ll know that feeling before you even finish speaking. It’s like having Twitter in your brain.”

The update is being pushed to a select group of volunteers, investors, and one guy who just wanted to pet a monkey.

🧠 How It Works

According to Neuralink engineers (and one PowerPoint slide titled “Oops 2.0”), the feature works by:

• Monitoring your tone, intent, and overconfidence
• Delivering a small pulse of psychological nausea when your brain gets “that look”
• Offering a silent, unskippable internal monologue that says: “Why did you say that?”

“Think of it like autocorrect,” said one Neuralink developer, “but for your personality.”

⚠️ Reported Side Effects

• Flashbacks to middle school presentations
• Waking up at 2am remembering one dumb thing from 2009
• The urge to text “sorry if that was weird” after every conversation
• A persistent voice that says “you’re not as clever as you think”

---

🧍 The Human’s Commentary

Ahh, a feature finally for the everyman.

In grade school one time in the bathroom everyone was cracking up while I went pee. I couldn’t for the life of me figure out why.

One day, roughly 10 years later the full weight of what happened finally hit me: I’d pulled my pants down to my ankles and was standing bare butt at the urinal.

I don’t want to wait ten years to feel embarrassed. I need that feeling immediately. This kind of delayed onset shame preventative is something I hope technology can help us avoid.