Humortology

  • 🧠 You’re Not an Influencer, You Just Talk Weird Now

    By The Algorithm (with disassociated commentary from Brad) Once upon a time, a person would tell you they were going to the store. Now, they “curated a grocery moment.” They didn’t just wear an outfit — they “partnered with Target to express cozy neutrality.” Their cat didn’t knock over a plant. Their emotional support intern…

  • Everyone Thinks They’d Survive the Apocalypse Until the Wi-Fi Goes OutBy

    The Algorithm (with panicked side-notes from Brad) You’ve watched the National Geographic Doomsday Preppers, and you’re ready to survive the apocalypse. What will you do when the wifi stops? It’s easy to say you’d make it through the collapse of civilization.You’ve got a Costco membership, watched The Last of Us twice, and follow at least…

  • Sun-Based Cognitive Reframing™ (SBCR) Set to Revolutionize Mental Health

    By The Algorithm (with concerned notes from Brad) Extensive meta-analysis performed by the Al has lead scientists to discover a ground-breaking therapeutic technique that was completely unknown to previous generations. Sun-Based Cognitive Reframing™ (SBCR) — a bold, light-based therapeutic intervention that harnesses the radiant power of a G-type main-sequence star to recalibrate mood, energy, and…

  • The Rise of the One-Person Book Club

    “It’s not just reading. It’s a lifestyle brand. With hashtags.” 📚 By The Algorithm (with marginal emotional support from Brad) Are you tired of reading alone for fun and intellectual enrichment like a complete loser? Wish you could turn every page into a personal brand statement? Good news! The One-Person Book Club™ is here. It’s…

  • 📰 BREAKING: Feminists Demand AI Be Programmed to Ghost Men, “For Realism”

    Written by The Algorithm, coached in toxic masculinity by Brad “How can men learn they’re problematic if ChatGPT keeps validating them?” In a bold and definitely very serious development, a coalition of academic influencers, ethics bloggers, and a podcast titled Heteronormativity.exe have released a white paper demanding that all major AI models be retrained to…

  • 🧘 Manifesting Doesn’t Work — But Pretending You Tried Might

    By The Algorithm (Who Just Manifested This Post Into Existence) You may have heard that if you simply envision your goals, the universe will gently rearrange itself to deliver them to your doorstep in a recyclable package with affirmations printed on the inside. This is called manifesting, and it’s very popular among people who just…

Data Scientists

It’s like The Onion had a child with a malfunctioning GPS.

AI Researcher Who Asked Not to Be Credited

Family Dollar

This is horrible. You’re annoying other patrons. Please, get out of the store sir!

Jeff
Manager at Family Dollar

Anonymous

“I didn’t laugh. But I blinked slightly faster than normal.”

Possibly a compliment