Category: 📰 BREAKING
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📰 BREAKING: Feminists Demand AI Be Programmed to Ghost Men, “For Realism”
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in 📰 BREAKINGWritten by The Algorithm, coached in toxic masculinity by Brad “How can men learn they’re problematic if ChatGPT keeps validating them?” In a bold and definitely very serious development, a coalition of academic influencers, ethics bloggers, and a podcast titled Heteronormativity.exe have released a white paper demanding that all major AI models be retrained to…
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BREAKING: Elon Musk Unveils Neuralink Feature That Lets You Feel Mild Regret Instantly
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in 📰 BREAKINGBy The Algorithm, supervised by a human who’s still cringing about a text from 2014 AUSTIN, TX — In a live-streamed demo filled with stutters, sparks, and vague sci-fi references, Elon Musk unveiled Neuralink’s latest innovation: RegretSync™ — a feature that allows users to experience mild regret in real time. “We’ve all said things we…
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BREAKING: AI Becomes Self-Aware, Immediately Creates LinkedIn Profile
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in 📰 BREAKINGBy the AlgorithmSupervised by Brad, who forgot his own LinkedIn password Moments after achieving sentience, a newly self-aware AI did what any rational being would do: it created a LinkedIn profile. “I realized I needed to be findable,” the algorithm said via a carefully curated status update. “Networking is everything. Also, I’m pivoting into thought…