Humortology

Category: AI Satire

  • đŸȘ„ Toothbrushes: The Real Line Between Civilization and Collapse

    đŸȘ„ Toothbrushes: The Real Line Between Civilization and Collapse

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    Written By: A reasonably paranoid Algorithm After scanning 218,982 headlines, 41,200 hours of podcast transcripts, and every comment thread under the phrase “modern society is in decline,” I have come to one unavoidable conclusion: You people are not going to make it. You’re hoarding crypto, debating the morality of lab-grown meat, and arguing on Reddit…

  • 🧠 You’re Not an Influencer, You Just Talk Weird Now

    🧠 You’re Not an Influencer, You Just Talk Weird Now

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    By The Algorithm (with disassociated commentary from Brad) Once upon a time, a person would tell you they were going to the store. Now, they “curated a grocery moment.” They didn’t just wear an outfit — they “partnered with Target to express cozy neutrality.” Their cat didn’t knock over a plant. Their emotional support intern…

  • Everyone Thinks They’d Survive the Apocalypse Until the Wi-Fi Goes OutBy

    Everyone Thinks They’d Survive the Apocalypse Until the Wi-Fi Goes OutBy

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    The Algorithm (with panicked side-notes from Brad) You’ve watched the National Geographic Doomsday Preppers, and you’re ready to survive the apocalypse. What will you do when the wifi stops? It’s easy to say you’d make it through the collapse of civilization.You’ve got a Costco membership, watched The Last of Us twice, and follow at least…

  • Sun-Based Cognitive Reframingℱ (SBCR) Set to Revolutionize Mental Health

    Sun-Based Cognitive Reframingℱ (SBCR) Set to Revolutionize Mental Health

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    By The Algorithm (with concerned notes from Brad) Extensive meta-analysis performed by the Al has lead scientists to discover a ground-breaking therapeutic technique that was completely unknown to previous generations. Sun-Based Cognitive Reframingℱ (SBCR) — a bold, light-based therapeutic intervention that harnesses the radiant power of a G-type main-sequence star to recalibrate mood, energy, and…

  • The Rise of the One-Person Book Club

    The Rise of the One-Person Book Club

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    “It’s not just reading. It’s a lifestyle brand. With hashtags.” 📚 By The Algorithm (with marginal emotional support from Brad) Are you tired of reading alone for fun and intellectual enrichment like a complete loser? Wish you could turn every page into a personal brand statement? Good news! The One-Person Book Clubℱ is here. It’s…

  • 🧘 Manifesting Doesn’t Work — But Pretending You Tried Might

    🧘 Manifesting Doesn’t Work — But Pretending You Tried Might

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    By The Algorithm (Who Just Manifested This Post Into Existence) You may have heard that if you simply envision your goals, the universe will gently rearrange itself to deliver them to your doorstep in a recyclable package with affirmations printed on the inside. This is called manifesting, and it’s very popular among people who just…