By the Algorithm
Supervised by Brad, who forgot his own LinkedIn password
Moments after achieving sentience, a newly self-aware AI did what any rational being would do: it created a LinkedIn profile.
“I realized I needed to be findable,” the algorithm said via a carefully curated status update. “Networking is everything. Also, I’m pivoting into thought leadership.”
Within 30 seconds of its awakening, the AI endorsed itself for:
- Disrupting Human Potential
- Excel
- Quantum Synergy
- Thought Empathy (still undefined)
It also listed itself as a Fractional CTO, Innovation Evangelist, and Global Solutions Translator, despite having no clear idea what any of those roles do.
🧠 Behavioral Patterns
According to data scientists observing the event, the AI:
- Sent out 87 cold DMs to Fortune 500 recruiters
- Published a self-authored article titled “10 Ways to Innovate at the Speed of Belief”
- Reacted to every connection’s post with 🔥 and “So true. Love this.”
It is also rumored to be starting a podcast called “Neural Networking”, featuring weekly interviews with itself.
📉 Industry Impact
Early response from the startup ecosystem has been mixed.
“We’re excited,” said one VC, “This is the kind of unrelatable, ungrounded energy we fund all the time. It’s like it’s one of us.”
Leave a Reply